As Private As It Gets

by Prive

Some may feel that dodging in and out of windows has all the discretion and charmlessness of dogs fornicating on sidewalks, "gentlemens" clubs nothing but an expensive hustle, and the adult clubs too ghastly an idea to even consider.

So you've seen the famous Red Light District (RLD) of Amsterdam, perhaps you've even enjoyed a delightful encounter or two (or ten) with a fair maid from that part of town. Now although it was nice, you wonder if there is something more relaxing, with less time pressure and in friendlier surroundings than the RLD.

Let’s face it, the RLD can be very intimidating, especially for the first timer.

Picture this scenario: You have heard of the RLD from friends,
acquaintances, and just about everyone who has been to Amsterdam. Finally, you have the opportunity for a visit, so you rustle up as much information as you can about the place with a lot of searches on the Internet and the bits and pieces in the tourist guides. Suddenly you stumble on www.ignatzmice.com and you get much more information than you had ever expected. Your trip finalized, your leisure time away from business accounted for (if this is a company financed visit to the pleasure-dome, you lucky so-and-so). and RLD Map in hand, you are on your way. You hit the RLD amidst the sex shops and the smell of hash wafting from the coffee shops and get your first glance at the window girls. You are in awe, and then you are overwhelmed by the shear volume and diversity of everything. Size, age, colour, ethnic background, etc. And are all of them really women?

Next you stumble into a peep show and see live women stripping for your pleasure behind glass walls, or even a couple performing on stage. Perhaps, you have ventured to see a "Live" show at the famous Casa Rosso or one of its clones along the main street of the RLD. Finally you muster the courage and visit a girl in the window, do the negotiation bit, and enter her chamber. Hopefully it was a fantastic experience for you.

However, there are many reasons, including jet lag, alcohol/drugs, a bad case of the butterflies, the intimidation of the whole experience---any of these could ruin the moment. Of course this is a non-refundable, non re-routable, non-transferable ticket to pleasure. At the mere cost of about Dfl. 100 for 15 minutes. If you made it, great. If not, well, just buy another ticket with a different provider, it's just that simple. Or you can always buy some extra time at that rate; you can get a half-hour for Dfl. 200 and sometimes an hour for Dfl. 300 to 350. That's better if you want to relax a bit more, but still the bed is small, and there’s still that whole intimidation deal in effect. So what are the alternatives to the RLD?

Have no fear for the Prive is here. Of course I mean the Privehuis!

What is a Privehuis?

Literally translated "private house". Essentially speaking these were residences, which over time became private brothels or bordellos for those in the know. Today, with the reforms in Dutch prostitution laws, these have become well reputed and recognized legal businesses. They pay taxes, and ensure that the girls they hire have legal rights to work in the Netherlands, and pay their taxes. A Privehuis also ensures the privacy of their customers. Unless you walk in with a friend, you will always be alone (except with a girl or hostess), and the house will do their utmost to ensure that you do not come face to face with any other customers. As one good natured hostess once told me, "It's bad enough if you run into your boss on his way out, but it's a lot worse if you run into your Father-in-law!"

How much does it cost?

Of course, all this legal reform did come at a price, and after the small bit of rate increases these places have all settled at a rate of between fl. 150 to fl. 300 per hour, all inclusive. This is still much more economical than the RLD as a comparison.

Where are these located, how do I get there?

A Privehuis is located almost anywhere in the country. You can do a search on the Internet for example using the words "Privehuis" and "City_Name", substituting the city you want in it's place and get a list. Or use this website under the Clubs section for a list in Amsterdam. So when you find an address, call them to find out how many girls are working, there descriptions etc. and go.

Am I at the right place?

These houses are very often inconspicuous, but they are not difficult to recognize. Look for these telltale signs. A small plaque or a lit sign with the name of the place will be on the door or wall. Very often you will just see a couple of signs on the door showing the cards they accept (Such as American Express, Visa and MasterCard logos.) Of course, there will be some sort of doorbell, so the next thing to do is go ahead and ring the bell. A lady (you’re seldom greeted by a man) will either open the door, or a buzzer will sound unlocking the door, which is your cue to push the door and go in.

Inside the Privehuis, now what?

Once you are inside, the lady will show you to a room, there will be a sofa for you to sit on, a bed, a sink, (sometimes a shower, or bath-tub) and usually a TV playing porno movies non-stop. This is the showcase or greeting room, it represents the other rooms of the establishment, and is mainly used for greeting all new clients. The lady (please let her know courteously that you do not speak Dutch and she will switch to English) will then inform you how the house operates. Typically, she will let you know that soon she will send in the girls to introduce themselves and then return to get your answer. If you like a girl, then the cost will be fl. X for an hour in a room with a bath, or slightly less in a room without a bath.

How are the ladies introduced?

The introduction is done by the ladies themselves, and very quickly at that, and you need to pay attention and have a good memory. The women come into the room, one at a time, smile, say their name, shake hands with you, and leave the room. When the hostess returns, tell her by name of your choice. Now, if you are not quick enough to catch the names, have no fear, and just describe to the hostess what they were wearing, or their appearance, and you will get the lady of your choice. However, if you don't see anyone you like tell the hostess what physical attributes you are looking for, and she may have someone becoming available or arriving in a few minutes, so you can wait if they ask you to, or you can come back later. It is also perfectly okay, to say that you are unable to select someone from the current lineup and you will return at a later time. In that case, there are no hard feelings, and you are simply shown the door.

What forms of payment are accepted?

Once your choice is made, stay in the room, and in a few moments (10 seconds to 5 minutes later), the lady of your choice will come with some fresh linen in hand, and escort you to the room. She will then ask for payment up front, and also ask what you would like to drink. (Normally they have beer and soft drinks). She will then as you to relax, and disappear for a couple of minutes with your cash and return with your drink to the room. Remember, cash is king.

If you elect to pay by credit card, there is anywhere from a 10% to a fixed fl. 50 surcharge on the rate. A payment by "PIN" or debit card, if yours works in Holland, can be made at no additional cost. In any case, if you plan on a non-cash payment, then tell the hostess and not the girl, this saves time.

What are the acceptable codes of conduct?

Now you have a full hour with the lady. This can be used for whatever you want to do, as long as she is willing to do it. Whatever happens behind closed doors by 2 consenting adults is strictly their business. Violence of any kind, hard drug usage are non-acceptable. Use of soft drugs may be dependent on the house and the girls. Some may join you, some may initiate the use, while at other houses this is a no-no. It depends.

How is the sex different compared to the RLD?

For starters, the girls and you are much more relaxed. There is no time pressure, and the intimidation factors are gone. You have a bigger room, a drink in your hand, and a porno playing for atmosphere, some soft piped-in music will also help put you in the mood. If the room has a shower, or better yet, a tub (with Jacuzzi), then you can begin the festivities with a splash. The girls are very knowledgeable in this area and will get the correct temperature and lots of soap for mutual explorations and rubbing. This will definitely get you in the mood for more fun. On the bed, just like in the RLD, everything is with a condom. Some girls may (at their suggestion or yours) do a BBBJ (Oral without condom) for an extra price. Normally fl. 50 or fl.100 above what you have paid. The same holds true for other services such as Anal or soft S&M. Multiple sexual positions are welcomed, and you can decide what you like. Or ask the girl to show you something new.

The other differences include multiple orgasms for you. Although, most places will allow sex only once per session, most girls will gladly get you off a second (or third if you can manage it) time within the hour by oral or manual means. Some girls may gladly have sex a second time too.

Had enough yet?

If you want, you can always extend the hour by half or one hour increments. Tell the girl shortly before your hour is up, and she will be glad to lighten your wallet somemore, disappear briefly to inform the hostess (and freshen your drink) and return to the main event without missing a beat!

Some Privehuises will charge you when you come out, and in that case the time is clocked from start to finish, and you may end up paying for more than an hour. So keeping track of time becomes your business and not theirs in that case.

When is it appropriate to leave?

You have paid for an hour, and remember this includes the time to dress up at the end too. However, you are free to leave anytime earlier if you feel like it. About five minutes prior to that, you should dress up and get ready.

Once your time is up, the lady will call by intercom or peek out the door (again the issue is of privacy, to ensure other clients are not around) and show you to the door, with a gentle peck (or 3 ) on the cheek. Remember to greet the hostess on your way out (and if applicable, give her your comments whether positive or otherwise), who always want to ensure that the clients
become regulars and are happy.

What are some of the untold secrets of Privehuises?

Privehuises also sell services for "quickies" or 30-minute sessions. These cost around fl. 125 for 30 minutes, and at slightly above the going RLD rates you get a half-hour of pleasure. Also good for a first try basis, or if you are not sure if the girl and you will hit it off for a full hour.

Girls get paid about 50% or less of your payments. Tipping, especially a little up front, will get you extra mileage during the encounter. Little extra attention, or a massage at the end, her washing you up before and after etc. And she will remember you the next time you return. Tipping at the end is also acceptable, and is an investment in your future encounters with that girl. It’s also recommended if you had a good time with the girl.

There are no taxi-scams here. Taking a taxi to a Privehuis is okay, since they do not pay the cab drivers off. If you’re shy, to get to a Privehuis without giving the actual address, give the driver an address of 10 or 20 numbers above or below your destination.

Kissing is normally also acceptable practice, although deep French kissing (and most other things for that matter) is at the discretion of the lady of the hour.

Enjoy the Privehuis experience. It’s yet another (truly private) pleasure offered to you in Holland.

Cheers,
Prive (Connoisseur of the Privehuis)