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Weirdest things you've ever seen in the rld...
Posted: 2012-06-19, 5:12 pm

Konfundo
Posts: 120
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1. Last April (2011, last visit til next month), we spotted, and followed, a man in his late 50's, very tall and thin, grey hair, stroking his cock through his very very tight trousers. We followed him for about half an hour until one of my friends said 'We are in a place where beautiful girls will suck your cock for pocket change yet we are following an old man having a wank' Haha

2. A window girl halfway down molensteeg (coming from oude kerk) being pulled out of her window by her pimp/bf and torn up the street, both looked bulgarian/hungarian

3. Sitting in the upstairs of The Old Church coffeeshop (I know you guys hate it but im always treated great there) watching the guys going into the fat african hookers to the right of Oude Kerk, you'd be suprised at how much business they do and the normal looking guys that went in
Re: Weirdest things you've ever seen in the rld...
Posted: 2012-06-19, 5:49 pm

sun-n-fun Moderator
Posts: 848
Location: NL
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Out of curiousity what does a "bulgarian/hungarian" look like?
Re: Weirdest things you've ever seen in the rld...
Posted: 2012-06-19, 6:03 pm

Konfundo
Posts: 120
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Kind of like an Albanian
Re: Weirdest things you've ever seen in the rld...
Posted: 2012-06-19, 6:06 pm

greenhoffSupporting Member
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konfundo

No.1 my sincere apologies for that, i got carried away !!!! lol

regards

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Re: Weirdest things you've ever seen in the rld...
Posted: 2012-06-19, 6:14 pm

Konfundo
Posts: 120
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Haha man it was funny, he wasnt even looking at the windows wanking, he was wanking to EVERYTHING
Re: Weirdest things you've ever seen in the rld...
Posted: 2012-06-19, 6:27 pm

greenhoffSupporting Member
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Location: sunny dorset uk
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Excellent thread !!
Have seen countless funny things over the years in Amsterdam.

My No.1 favourite of ALL time was a drunk guy on his bike @ Dam Sq, who managed to get his front wheel stuck in a tram line. He tried loads of times to free it, till i tram came round the corner, ran over it, completely demolishing the bike, which lay in pieces, the look of horror on the drunk"s face is etched in my mind to this day, and still piss myself when he picked up what was left of the handlebars and took them home !! every time im in Dam Sq at that spot still crease me up.

In the RLD, plenty, Dutch riot politie taking no prisoners and chucking Man Utd fans in OZA canal,
The pedi-cab cyclist who pulled away, leaving his cab and 2 unsuspecting passengers behind
Watching a very pissed/stoned Bluto trying to roll a joint
The bridge troll who turned out to be a plain clothes politie
A young English guy legging it down Bloedstraat screaming " It"s a fucking geezer" in front of his mates who were pissing themselves
Humphrey with his coke tin singing " sitting on the dock of the bay " over & over again [where is Humphrey]?
A tourist who looked " ashen faced" as he emerged from the Cock Ring !!
Myself emerging from Max"s kamer, kissing goodbye to her & German Kim when a very sad looking husband [with an ugly old wife] saying " You lucky bastard" !!!!!
My 1st meeting with Munchkin[tonymunch] when i could hear only " Hello Greenhoff" without seeing him till i looked down !!

and i cant finish without mentioning female polities can i ?
the very tall blonde female politie who got off her horse at the politie station on Beurstraat, frantically rubbing her crotch in front of a very excited Greenhoff !!

Regards

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Re: Weirdest things you've ever seen in the rld...
Posted: 2012-06-19, 9:38 pm

essexlad Power Kat
Posts: 540
Location: Ireland
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Nice thread love hearing the odd and funny story's about the red light distract.



Konfundo wrote:

3. Sitting in the upstairs of The Old Church coffeeshop (I know you guys hate it but im always treated great there) watching the guys going into the fat african hookers to the right of Oude Kerk, you'd be suprised at how much business they do and the normal looking guys that went in


While laughing I fit into this story as I was one of them my first ever window girl never done a black bbw before so of I went in there and worse thing was she knew I was new at paying so I got up sold and paid a high price for that. even the big ugly ones will try to rip you off lol.


I hope no other stuff pops up on here that I've done.
Re: Weirdest things you've ever seen in the rld...
Posted: 2012-06-19, 11:29 pm

Dam_Obsessed
Posts: 116
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I took my first trip at 16 in 2003, and the streets were a lot more crazy at that time, a lot more drug addicts and weirdos.

1) Multiple 'not rights' smoking crack and heroin on the streets in the middle of the day and middle of the night, although this has severely decreased since the last six times I went.
Although the last time, I was outside the Bulldog Hotel about 11am, and two drug addicts walk past, one with cuts all over his face looking like was going to die any minute, and the other just stopped and chased the dragon.


2) A drug addict, playing a cardboard guitar and singing very loudly on the first day, who we were laughing at (major mistake), he latched onto us and appeared many times throughout the four days.
We labelled him ' Senor Swag' because of his walk, and still to this day I do impromtu impressions of him such as 'COULD YOU SPARRREEE ME A EURO GUYS?' in a Welsh / Scottish accent.
A friend claims he confronted him with a knife and called him a scouse bastard.
I've seen him a few times since, luckily he doesn't remember me, although I remmeber him.
I assume he's dead now.


3) Using the cash machine on Kalverstraat, in the middle of the night, two black men approach us on pedal bikes, asking if we want to fuck a 15 year old girl, these two cycle based pimps proceeded to follow us across Dam Square not even being deterred by our open discussion about rendering the smaller one unconcious, with my mate taking his watch off and rolling his neck from side to side saying 'fuck off or you're going asleep'. They kept going on about cheap sex.

4) Walking down Warmoesstraat about 9am on my own, and a huge freak Lurch type drug addict approach me and demand money and then do a scary hands gesture and call me fuck face when I sternly told him no.

5) Hill Street Blues one afternoon, normal smoke session happening. A man drunk, with a pint in his hand, dressed head to toe like Max Hardcore / cowboy, approaches us, and quizes us asking our names. We give him not much reaction. He then stares one of the group very aggressively in the eyes, gets extremely close and screams in a Texas USA accent, "I AM WHAT I AM, AND I DO WHAT I WANT" and wonders off.

6) My friend aged 16, taking a 'whitey' in Route 66, and throwing up a full English breakfast, the budtender girl starts screaming whilst grabbing the mop 'WHY THE FUCK YOU BEEN EATING BEANS MAN!?' which is a phrase, I still tend to chant if I am preparing a beans on toast snack in the kitchen.

7) A man on the Warmoestrrat, again on our first trip at 16, explaining very detail heavy and assertively that he was from Portsmouth and he wasn't trying to sell us drugs.
What's worse we actually believed him and had a whip round for him.
Then the very next year the same guy was there with the same story, to which we told him he'd done us before and fucked off.

8) Last year, my gf, walking on OZA, and having a 6''4 meaty drug dealer offer 'hey beautiful come here' to which she replied 'FUCK OFF' and he went white.

9) Coming out of then urinal by Oude Kerk, and seeing her again being approached by a strange / weirdo, I flicked him 2 euro and said 'fuck off asap' and he grabbed it and bolted.

10) The usual Oude Kerk monsters with their cheap pitches, 5 euro all of you in here now, I still find that market surreal.

There's more, I'll add them when I think of them. It used to be a much crazier place on the streets. Now it seems a lot tamer.
Re: Weirdest things you've ever seen in the rld...
Posted: 2012-06-20, 12:20 am

potlover
Posts: 494
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Was drinking some water after a session with Alize and almost choked hearing a man interviewing Laura, he asked only one question: "How much is it to jump on you and fuck you from behind?"

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Re: Weirdest things you've ever seen in the rld...
Posted: 2012-06-20, 12:27 pm

Konfundo
Posts: 120
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Crazy shit ive done in the rld:

1. First trip I had like 4 bags of weed left over, a few grams in each. We were on the train from Centrall to Schipol and I had to ditch the weed so I threw it all into an albert Heijgn bag of a woman in her 70's in the next seat on the train

2. Had a rigged contest with three of my friends and the loser had to fuck an ancient woman in Singel, was rigged to ensure I didnt lose

3. Again first trip, was after doing research on here and was looking for Claudia in covered area. Completely stoned out of my head I walked into the covered area, found her, asked her name and told her id call back later...at least 4 times. She was pissed by the end of it

4. Got a lift from Schipol to the Multatuli in a cop car by two Politie, one who recognised me from MMA, signed autographs, two cool guys
Re: Weirdest things you've ever seen in the rld...
Posted: 2012-06-21, 12:27 am

kaiserscouse
Posts: 50
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I saw English stag do in Durty Nelly’s one night. The stag was handcuffed to a female dwarf, who was painted blue – presumably to make her look like a Smurf. She was a willing participant in the arrangement. I’m not sure if she offers this service as a business. I wondered how the hapless stag would fare if he attempted a session with one of the girls whilst still attached to his little blue friend. What is the going rate for a boy/girl/Smurf threesome?
Re: Weirdest things you've ever seen in the rld...
Posted: 2012-06-21, 2:14 pm

gazzaSupporting Member
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I remember a few years back, over a period of some months, seeing the same guy constantly. He drove about in one of those little cars that only has a drivers seat so is very small. It was a bright red car and he was an old guy with grey hair and a beard. Every time I left a kamer or turned a corner he seemed to appear within seconds and always seemed to be staring straight at me. It was like being stalked. It was obviously pure coincidence but it went from being funny to slightly unnerving, especially as it happened on 3 or 4 consecutive trips.

Seeing a guy kerb crawling on OZA on a motor bike. He stopped at every single window and stared at the girl for a good long time. He'd then drive forward a metre or so and repeat. He went the full length of both sides of the canal.

One of the funniest things I saw, although I felt quite sorry for the guy as he was very young, maybe 18 or so, was on the bridge between Oude Kennisteeg and the Old Sailor. I overhead a group of his mates planning a welcome for him for when he emerged from a girls room. I thought it could be entertaining so I hung around. As time went by other people stopped to see what was going on as the group grew. There was more of his mates turned up, locals and tourists and soon there must have been dozens of people on and around the bridge. When the door opened there was a huge and very loud chorus of cheers, clapping and wolf whistles. The poor kid was mortified and his face went from sheer shock to bright red with embarassment. The girl he had been with peered out to see what was going on and she realised. She gave the small dick sign with her thumb and index finger and all the noise started again, leaving the poor guy even more embarassed.

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Re: Weirdest things you've ever seen in the rld...
Posted: 2012-06-21, 10:15 pm

spike56765
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Last year 2 Scottish guys came up the stairs in the hotel as I was waiting on the lift, just leaving the room after arriving. One was covered in gray 'muck'. So I said to him "whit happend to you mate?" His reply " I thought it would be a good idea to jump a canal" paused then he added "it wasn't"

I new I has in Amsterdam!!!

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Re: Weirdest things you've ever seen in the rld...
Posted: 2012-06-21, 10:22 pm

drizzle
Posts: 291
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benstraat wrote:

6) My friend aged 16, taking a 'whitey' in Route 66, and throwing up a full English breakfast, the budtender girl starts screaming whilst grabbing the mop 'WHY THE FUCK YOU BEEN EATING BEANS MAN!?' which is a phrase, I still tend to chant if I am preparing a beans on toast snack in the kitchen.



LOL. This has tickled me immensely for some reason. Agreed that it is much tamer. I first went in 93 (I think!), very different atmosphere.
Re: Weirdest things you've ever seen in the rld...
Posted: 2012-06-22, 6:12 pm

Carice Liefde Power Kat
Posts: 2245
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I've heard one working girl, Sint Annendwarstraat 26-1, once saying to a guy who was trying to negociate for a session :"
"No, I don't want you "
- Why ? What's the problem ?
She pointed his shoes
" Because of this " she added
"Because of what ? Of my sneakers ?"
"Yes, I don't like that"
- "But they are not shitty, they are clean".
"No, I don't want to".
Never heard of a girl refusing a guy because he was wearing sneakers before...

Once, as I was walking next to Old Church towards Warmoesstraat, a drug dealer stopped me briefly and was trying to sell me his shit. I said nothing, until he asked me if I was english, which I said no, then American, I said no either, He tried with italian, no chance, and then I don't know why I said some words in German, he continued thinking I was actually german, but I stopped when I said "Nein, ich bein ein französisch" to which he replied : "Nein, kaput" and get away. I suppose he doesn't like french...
Re: Weirdest things you've ever seen in the rld...
Posted: 2012-06-23, 2:13 am

BlutoBlutarsky Admin
Posts: 1961
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Maybe not weird per se but funny to me... whenever I've seen someone get arrested in the RLD, they don't bring a car around to collect him (kind of impractical with the skinny streets, obv.); they just cuff him behind his back and walk him to the Beursstraat police station. People will often pause to observe the protracted walk of shame, maybe over the Oudekerksbrug, through Oudekerksplein, then crossing Warmoestraat towards the station... lol.

One summer maybe four years ago I was walking down OZA at night and heard some commotion on the other side of the canal. As I turned to look, I saw a fat guy in his 60s standing on the street, completely nude save for a couple of Hawaiian leis around his neck, and a crowd gathered. A moment or so later bike cops closed in, handcuffed him, etc. As this was going on, a drunk guy dove into the canal, swam a little bit, climbed out, and then was also stopped and cuffed for his efforts. I wonder what they did with the naked guy... I assume they didn't walk him down to the station nude, although that would have been great.

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Re: Weirdest things you've ever seen in the rld...
Posted: 2012-06-24, 4:44 pm

funfor2houston
Posts: 392
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After fourteen trips to Amsterdam many things just don't seem weird or unusual anymore and I guess you probably tend to forget , so here goes.


UK's finest
This past year we went to Amsterdam for Queens Day and were down in the RLD one night and there was a huge crowd around the canal in front of the Old Sailor . We wanted to see what was going on so we pushed to the front of the crowd . When we could see there were two young lads standing on the canal bare ass naked with the tourist women taking photos with them and grabbing their cocks. They would swim to one side of the canal get some attention and swim to the other. This went on for maybe 15 minutes before the police showed up ,of course a middle aged woman was pulling on one of the guys willie. The police were really cool about it . The lads were UK soldiers who had just returned from Afganastan . The police told them to put their clothes on made them dump their beer and told them to go back immediately to their hotel and take a shower. Now here is where it gets even funnier note these guys looked like they were teenagers , one of the guys told the female police officer she had lovely breasts . She hit him in the jaw so hard she knocked him into his buddies everybody laughed and we all left .


Cookie Monster
Probably another funny one was a few years ago we were walkng the RLD on one of the side streets a large crowd had gathered and you heard lots of cheering and laughing. A young Irishman with a Mohawk naked except for cookie monster briefs underwear was dancing in the street . The girl he had just been with was standing in her window laughing so hard . A tall very well dressed man came along and asked the guy where was his clothes , he told them in one of the windows ( he was drunk ) . Seems he could not get his willie up and the girl kicked him out in his underwear. The well dressed guy told the young guy he was an undercover police officer and he had 2 choices get his clothes take a 200 EU fine or come with him to the police station. The kid looked the guy in the eye and hauled ass down the street no shoes , no socks nothing but his underwear. We followed the kid as he had two uncles and 3 friends across one of the bridges over the canal. One of his friends said that guy was spoofing them , a scammer . So one of the uncles went back to the window girl , he said the girl gave him back all of his money and his clothes .

Terry Blue Shoes
Three years ago we went with some friends of ours from Houston . This one couple are a very well known professional couple known well in Houston . So he wants his wife to experience marijuana like he did years ago when he was in college . So we go on a journey for marijuana Brownies. I think in the second coffee shop they did not have brownies but they had muffins . So Terry buys two for him and two for his wife . While the clerk at the coffee shop is making change they both ate one muffin each. We walked down the street through the RLD went into Susies Saloon and all of the sudden we realize Terry has no shoes . Somebody asked him what happened to his shoes he had no idea as we realized he also ate his other muffin as so did his wife. We went into bars and alleys looking for shoes while they stayed at the Old Sailor . We never found his shoes but when we came back he had a pair of shiney bright blue Italian shoes . He said he bought them from a street guy
That same night his wife got crazy horny and took her top off in the Old Sailor lots of cameras were flashing but to this day my friend still has those shiney blue shoes
Re: Weirdest things you've ever seen in the rld...
Posted: 2012-06-25, 10:42 pm

PCK1978
Posts: 16
Location: Texas
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Interesting subject thought I'd contribute

I've made three trips so far to Amsterdam. Currently planning a fourth!! Thanks to everyone at Ignatzmice.com for the good info.

My '07 trip report is here

http://www.ignatzmice.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=14&t=9951&hilit=may+07+part+1

http://www.ignatzmice.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=14&t=9955&hilit=may+07

other trips were in '99 and '09 (queens day!)

In '99 I remember walking down Warmoesstraat and came accross two homeless junkie types, one trying to play a didgeridoo, very very badly, I can make the same sound with my hand, just pointless buzzing. The other was collecting money with a cup, jumping in front of everybody that passed, so I gave him about .10, he said something rude in english(I can't remember what) but I just laughed and said "take some fucking lessons!"and kept walking.

In '07 Me and my friend just got into town and hit the Grey Area coffeeshop. After we left we were walking back to our hotel to see if the room was ready. We ended up walking through Singel area(a tuesday around 13:00) when a man stopped us a said, very enthusiastically, "It is offical!!" "I am licensed entertainer." he held a piece of paper that said "XXX" hand written on it, which of course could mean the symbol for A-dam, but he went on to say "I can dance for you, we can dance and play, or more if you like" We said no and continued walking up Spuistaat he followed for a while asking " Are you musicians?" "You look like ze blues brothers!" we laughed and kept walking. We weren't ten feet away when we heard him with another guy "Hello, It is offical!"

One time while walking down Molensteeg, mainly cutting through, when two black guys started fighting in the street, one was screaming "She took my money! Give me back my fucking money!!" the other guy wasn't saying anything just slappin and kickin at the other guy, dreads were flying all over the place, while the girl was ranting at them in a language I coundn't understand. meanwhile all the girls on the street were out of their rooms and standing in the street watching the fight. It was an interesting sight, I stood to the side and watched it all play out before the cops showed up. Poor guy, If only he knew about this site!
Re: Weirdest things you've ever seen in the rld...
Posted: 2012-06-29, 1:38 am

lilji
Posts: 432
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Only been the one time to Amsterdam so far but in April I was standing during the day on one of the bridges at the canals just close to sexyland and this homeless guy with an American accent just started chatting away to me. I knew the inevitable 'spare change' thing was coming up but he started telling me this realy weird (I assume untrue) shit that made me drawen in.

He said he was born in the Netherlands but moved to USA when he was realy young and when he was in his twenties joined the US army. After he got out he got jailed for petty theft but whilst in prison he killed a 'rapist' and got a longer sentence and then sent back to the Netherlands. After telling me this he pointed to a window on the canal and said 'she can speak five different languages'. The woman saw him pointed and opened up her door and shouted something whilst laughing with him. He replied 'I'm getting you custom for later'. He then said 'I don't want cash for nothing but I'll take you a short tour of the alley windows for whatever you want to give'.

I said yes (it was realy busy and I had my wits about me with hands firmly in pockets). The girls must of knew him as they were laughing and playing along with him when he was walking up. I'm originaly from Scotland and he said about this one girl 'she's scottish but she has a sore throat today so can't let you hear her accent'. She replied something about kilts. It doesn't sound that funny writing it here now, but it was fairly humurous at the time and I gave the guy something up to 5 Euros in change, to which he replied 'dunno if I should put this towards my savings I use to get a girl now and then or some fried chicken'. I watched him ponder for a second then walk into the chicken shop.



I also saw an older guy come out a window and the girl obviously carrying on the 'type' of session they had saying 'bu bye daddy' to which he turned round and said in a very fatherly manner 'now dear, that's my name only for inside, not outside'.
Re: Weirdest things you've ever seen in the rld...
Posted: 2012-06-29, 1:49 pm

Konfundo
Posts: 120
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lilji wrote:
Only been the one time to Amsterdam so far but in April I was standing during the day on one of the bridges at the canals just close to sexyland and this homeless guy with an American accent just started chatting away to me. I knew the inevitable 'spare change' thing was coming up but he started telling me this realy weird (I assume untrue) shit that made me drawen in.

He said he was born in the Netherlands but moved to USA when he was realy young and when he was in his twenties joined the US army. After he got out he got jailed for petty theft but whilst in prison he killed a 'rapist' and got a longer sentence and then sent back to the Netherlands. After telling me this he pointed to a window on the canal and said 'she can speak five different languages'. The woman saw him pointed and opened up her door and shouted something whilst laughing with him. He replied 'I'm getting you custom for later'. He then said 'I don't want cash for nothing but I'll take you a short tour of the alley windows for whatever you want to give'.

I said yes (it was realy busy and I had my wits about me with hands firmly in pockets). The girls must of knew him as they were laughing and playing along with him when he was walking up. I'm originaly from Scotland and he said about this one girl 'she's scottish but she has a sore throat today so can't let you hear her accent'. She replied something about kilts. It doesn't sound that funny writing it here now, but it was fairly humurous at the time and I gave the guy something up to 5 Euros in change, to which he replied 'dunno if I should put this towards my savings I use to get a girl now and then or some fried chicken'. I watched him ponder for a second then walk into the chicken shop.



I also saw an older guy come out a window and the girl obviously carrying on the 'type' of session they had saying 'bu bye daddy' to which he turned round and said in a very fatherly manner 'now dear, that's my name only for inside, not outside'.


Haha man I think we've all met that guy
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