psychonaut wrote:
I have also gained a lot of weight. I am not physically attractive.
I want to be turned on, feel loved, desired, wanted and wild sex, all in one.
I realise that you had a difficult time, but as a person that walked just a tiny bit on your shoes, I have to point out that just one experience will not sort you out - unless you repeat it on a regular basis. And even so... you feel loved for a couple of hours then she has to go (or you) and things are back to square one.
So I see the situation like this:
1. You have a shit load of money: you can find someone not to pretend but to actually love you.
2. You don't have a shit load of money and you have to walk the normal path (and actually the one that will make a better yourself): for anyone to love you, you have to love yourself first. Better spend the money on a proper gym program, get a decent shape. When working out there's alot of good hormones flowing through your veins which will have a tremendous effect on your ability to stay positive-thinking. Stop watching porn for a while, stop masturbating - I assume we all do this.
This is a bit shared from my own experience and it worked. It's really great for anyone to find out how (much) can resist to various temptations (from food to sex)...
All the best mate, cheers!