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Going out ALONE???
Posted: 2006-01-09, 10:37 pm

JBIG
Posts: 188
Location: Hollywood, CA
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Quick version of my story, had a GF for 3 years, broke up and blam right into another relationship w/ a girl for 6 years. During that time, lost touch with many friends, and others all got married or moved away... me and the GF break up... and now its me, all by my lonesome

so I been thinking, I want to go out and try again, but I'll be damned if I know where to start. Parties so much when I was young I can't drink either...

so here's my question

any of you guys ever go out all by yourself? to meet girls? where do you go? and how do you do it?

I'm not real outgoing, and I am not a good dancer or anything
basiclly I've been trapped in a hole for like 10 years, and I don't know how to date or have anyone to show me the ropes

ideas? specific places I should go (I live in Hollywood)? please don't just blast me I know all you pimp masters are loving life, but I want to get to that point so please help me out

and I wouldn't mind being able to do this in the dam either
although i do tend to just hit the rld

thanks
J
Re: Going out ALONE???
Posted: 2006-01-09, 11:42 pm

mojoworksSupporting Member
Supporting Member
Posts: 59
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I hear you brother, I am in much the same situation. I just split with my fiance.

Right now, I am not even trying to meet anyone, but here are some suggestions. Get involved with things that interest you. Join a gym, go to knowledge shop classes, join a social club just generally live your life and pursue things that you enjoy. Internet dating worked well for me before.

And always know that Amsterdam is just a flight away if you need to get layed. I guess Tijuana is an easy drive too.

Good Luck,

Mojo
Re: Going out ALONE???
Posted: 2006-01-11, 2:25 am

JBIG
Posts: 188
Location: Hollywood, CA
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thanks for the tips
anybody else
Re: Going out ALONE???
Posted: 2006-01-11, 4:34 am

COOTERSupporting Member
Supporting Member
Posts: 177
Location: TACOMA, WA. USA
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JBIG....Am I the only one that thinks, it's a little strange. That you're asking these questions on a message board, that a large segment deals with people paying to find that GFE. But we're here for you, JBIG. .....I find that Internet dating can bring quite a few contacts your way. Write a few wity words, take a few decent photos of yourself, post them and if your not Quasimodo. You'll get replies. Some will be psycho, some will be trolls, some will be normal enough to be seen in pubic with. That's half the fun, finding which ones are which. Have fun with it. But your listening to advice from a guy, who normaly only dates a women for short periods. I like being single and they become to attached. .......Attached to my house, to my cars and to my wallet.....Good Luck..Cooter

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Re: Going out ALONE???
Posted: 2006-01-11, 3:01 pm

Earthly1hereSupporting Member
Supporting Member
Posts: 229
Location: Somewherenothere
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I think Cooter has it about right. The most important thing is to have fun. Just be yourself and let everything else come naturally. Don't rush into anything and be sure not to get too attached until your sure that you found the right girl.

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Re: Going out ALONE???
Posted: 2006-01-11, 4:11 pm

greta
Posts: 169
Location: USA
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May I offer a girl's perspective (albeit a naughty girl!)

among your first words:

>GF for 3 years, broke up and blam right into
>another relationship w/ a girl for 6 years.

do you recognize what happened? Well - among your next words:

>I want to go out and try again,
>but I'll be damned if I know where to start

one of the problems - and a lot of us make this mistake - was going from a 3-year relationship straight into another one - without the time off that is necessary

so after another long relationship - i think you need a little time on your own. not ALONE. but on your own

time to get over the relationship. time to ponder what went wrong - including any part you may have played in the failure. (the easiest mistake - and i've made it - is to blame the other person. the "he was a bastard" or "she was a pig" game. Of course the other person made some mistakes - but did you have ANY part in it? even just failing to have spotted the other person's major faults earlier in the 6 years...)

it's truly vital to take some time on your own to do this "homework" if you want a shot at a GOOD relationship in the future

not suggesting you dwell in sackcloth and ashes and mope about. and don't have any fun. but if you immediately leap into having a blast and going out to get over the very understandable feelings of loneliness - then you will mask the pain - and not process it. and it's all about processing and understanding what you've just been through - in order to not repeat the mistakes of the past next time

by all means go out a little. the suggestion by someone that you pursue your (non-sex!) interests by going to a class or joinig a society - is an excellent one. don't make the going out be just about finding a new girl.

and also - learn to spend and enjoy time on your own. enjoy your own company. when you enjoy your own company - you become excellent company for someone else. then you are not looking for someone to COMPLETE your life. If/when you meet someone - you will want someone who COMPLEMENTS and ADDS to your life. It's a huge difference

we girls spot "neediness" and "anxious to impress" a mile off. What we girls (generally speaking) respond to is someone who is clearly comfortable in his own skin and not desparate for a gf. (Of course there are fucked-up women who will take advantage of a needy guy - for their own reasons - and you do NOT want to put out a vibe that attracts any of those bitches!)

so - do not be hard on yourself. take a little time on your own. pursue interests ithout the thought of "will i meet a girl?" - and you will be surprised how much personal growth will take place - especially if you make a point of being honest with yourself at all times.

and when fate plays its part and you meet someone cute - take the time!!! don't rush it. in fact a guy that takes his time is always more appealing to a decent girl. intriguing that he's not exactly like every other guy that wants to bed her after 30 seconds. cultivate being a little different... but also don't leap into another relationship too quickly

and to get some jollies - by all means go for it in a place like the RLD or at a swing club - when there is no danger of confusing lust with love

good luck. most of us have been there. and we all get through it. the investment of time and effort now will pay off down the road

hugs

greta
(den mother!)
I think going out alone is ...........
Posted: 2006-01-11, 11:00 pm

Roland Power Kat
Posts: 556
Location: Amsterdam
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great.

First though I want to second what Greta said. Normally it takes about 6 months plus a month for each year that you were together to get over a relationship. Obviously some recover quicker than others but it is the personal time that it important here. So don't rush into your next relationship.

Now I don't know if you want to go out alone in A'dam or where you live.

My experience is that when you are solo you have more flexibility and no need to worry about a drunken buddy being stupid and doing or saying the wrong thing.

Going out solo is most fun. You can move anywhere within the bar if that is where you are and see observe all the action and easily go from bar to bar on a whim. Do not expect anyone to be willing to bed you, be respectful and polite, avoid getting drunk and you can meet some really interesting people. I find that your luck is better when you approach groups of two or three girls rather than single women (who may be waiting for their BFs) or who are nervous and just out for an evening as opposed to looking for someone to hook up with. If you feel you are a poor communicator you might want to try Toastmasters or some such for a confidence buider.

There are lots of excellent women out there though it may take some time to find your match.

Regards. Roland
Re: I think going out alone is ...........
Posted: 2006-01-12, 1:33 am

iloveamsterdam
Posts: 241
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+1 roland..i prefer going to amsterdam alone..you can go where you want ,when you want and with who you want..on the 50+ trips i have made to the dam the worst one was when there was a group of 7 of us..some would like to smoke,others were paranoid of the rld..other guys were tea total while someone else was on mushrooms..a total nightmare...go to the dam and live the dream!
Re: Going out ALONE???
Posted: 2006-01-12, 11:32 am

jerbee99
Posts: 10
Location: Louisiana
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j, another J for you here...

While I can understand part of your post, I can't quite get the whole thing about you being tied down for 6 years - good lord, man! To be honest, if she can get you so far away from your friends during that time that you can't pick them up afterwards - you probably SHOULD visit the RLD. However, just bear in mind that whatever others say, the RLD is a temporary fix. I use it every time I break up with a long term relationship (anything over 3 months... then again, I'm 22).

To be honest, my best bet would be to read the DJ Bible, which is a free resource located conveniently on my website at www.jbspencer.com/djb

After that, and after having written a FR for this site (for your visit to A'dam), check out www.sosuave.net

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Re: Going out ALONE???
Posted: 2006-01-20, 4:36 pm

dogpatch74
Posts: 13
Location: Outside Amsetrdam
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Dear Greta,

I'm in the process of breakup with my soon-to-be-ex-wife after 20 years. I read your comments and think I'll post it on my wall at home, inspirational.

Thanks,

Dogpatch
Re: Going out ALONE???
Posted: 2006-01-21, 1:18 am

Luther Head
Posts: 203
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Confusing lust with love? I wasn't aware there was a difference. Oh my god, now you tell me!

This probably explains why when my tenure here in A'dam is over, I'm going back to Anytown, USA to live with Momma. We've got a little oedipal duplex just over the tracks on the edge of town.
Re: Going out ALONE???
Posted: 2006-01-21, 1:51 am

greta
Posts: 169
Location: USA
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oedipal-schmoedipal.... as long as you love your mom....

;-)
Re: Going out ALONE???
Posted: 2006-01-21, 3:52 am

Luther Head
Posts: 203
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Momma's been tyring our patience lately, but we still love her and always will. How can you do otherwise?

Sort of a relevant quote I just saw online:

"Love doesn't make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile."
Franklin P.James

And for those who doubt if they will ever love again, take heart. I think it may have been Woody Allen that came up with this gem:

"The only thing worse than a hopeless romantic is a hopeful one."

Would someone turn off the Edith Piaf please, so I won't get so drippy?
Re: Going out ALONE???
Posted: 2006-01-21, 10:34 am

greta
Posts: 169
Location: USA
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Je ne reGRETA rien

;-)
Re: Going out ALONE???
Posted: 2006-01-21, 2:39 pm

vicgoo
Posts: 359
Location: Boca Raton, florida
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JBIG,it,s been 5 yrs since i lived in LA, but i can give you what was around then if that would help.I don,t know your taste,mine is with the younger crowd-20,s.If you are in Hollywood you should,nt have problem finding these-Skybar,Key Club(both on Sunset Bl.-1 near La Cienega,the other at the end of the strip right before you get to Bev Hills)The Palace-Vine near Yucca.The Skybar does have a mixed age crowd,Palace is good for afterhours.Btw all these are for meeting regular girls but i did manage to get pay 4 play once,but was expensive compared to Amsterdam.If you have problem getting in to Skybar,just go b4 8pm to avoid the doorman,as a matter of fact i,ve done that at most clubs that have a door politics thing,Skybar is open from noon,but others i just go in when the workers come around 7 and just hang out for a few hours.I only got caught once they let me back in though after paying.

Since i,m like most on this board(i prefer to just pay and avoid the hassles)that,s about all i know.
I would be careful with escort scene in the papers,many are rip offs,they refuse to perform sex saying it,s illegal are they say that after they get up to $250.The best way to be safe is ask on the phone if they provide full service,most will be honest about it.If you are in Amsterdam there,s once 1 who does rip offs like that-Bad Nina in the main RLD,you can do a search on the device , the warning on her should be there.For myself i,m off to Amsterdam in 2 weeks for the long run-after the partying i,m turning application in for Holland residency permit which process can take 5-6 months.

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