When I'm in a coffeeshop there's a feeling that's like . . . you're welcome there, and they want you to relax and enjoy yourself, but you're expected to leave in an hour or so. I understand this—it’s a rather unique business model, and they can’t earn much from the coupla grams and Loozas I buy--but it occurs at more traditional businesses too--bars, brown cafes, basically everywhere. The only places that expect you to remain for a while are the rock or dance clubs. I like these well enough except for the lack of seating and extreme volume. They're OK occasionally, when I'm in the right mood for it . . . but usually I’m not.

So my problem is that whenever I arrive at a nice place I immediately start thinking, ‘So, where to next?’ If it's summer I don't worry too much--I'll wander a bit and find something interesting soon enough. Plus, I love hanging out canal-side, or in the parks. And honestly some of most fun I've had has been while alone--even if I'm a bit tired, or kinda cold, it's no big deal. I'll wander around just checking things out and discovering new things until I get too tired. Then I'll head back to the hotel, rest a bit, and start over again.

But I have a lot of fun with friends too, especially inexperienced ones. It's great to show them around and surprise them with how much fun a tiny little favorite coffeeshop can be. And sitting around like that--talking, smoking, listening to some music and possibly meeting some new people--is exactly what I enjoy most. But often the weather's not so nice, and then the constant planning ahead becomes rather stressful. You show up at a coffeeshop all happy and stoned, but then realize you have to figure out what's next. So you bring it up--but they don't know; they just want to hang out. And while you’re inside, they're not worried. They’re sure that once you just wander around a bit, you'll find something. But when you get out there, it's cold and windy and raining, and you find yourself wandering along a street with nothing but closed antique shops, and suddenly they DO expect you to know the next great place. So you take your bearings and lead the way to yet another coffeeshop, and you sit down and roll another joint, shake off the rain and warm up, and the old conversation starts up again.

"Where do you want to go next?"
"Don’t worry about it--let's just wander around--we'll find something."

Shit. That continues for a while, until they get tired and annoyed, or you do, or you just get sick of coffeeshops and head back to the hotel. But everybody's vaguely unsatisfied, and it's generally impossible to get a group going again once it's fallen apart like that.

When I see locals at a coffeeshop, they show up and roll a joint, maybe smoke it or maybe just have a coffee, chat a bit, and take off. They're on their way somewhere, and it doesn't seem to me that they're just doing coffeeshop rounds like I find myself doing. Especially because in most of the city things close quite early. Around midnight you have to head back towards the RLD or the dance clubs, or you won't find anything open. So I guess my question is, where are all these people going? In large cities in other countries I can go to a bar and stay there until close. I don't even have to drink--I can go listen to a band or play darts all night or just sit there doing whatever I want. Even the bars in Amsterdam I've heard people refer to as their ‘local’ have the same problem--they have the feeling of a waystation on the route to some other (mysterious, better) place. So where is this place? Where are all those Amsterdamers going? If I just want to be ‘out’ without necessarily meeting someone else’s expectations of what I should be doing while out, where can I go?

Wow. Brother. I know how you feel...as the leader of your group of friends in this case--either self-appointed, or by default--you are responsible for the direction of your stoned clan, for better or worse. Often, for worse! That onerous responsibility irrevocably comes with the territory of travelling with a group.

It seems you care about making your friends happy and to a degree, constantly entertained. I am the same way. When everyone is having a great time, they pat you on the back and say "thanks mate, I'd have never found this place if not for you!" and if they are standing in the cold freezing on a dark street, they turn to you with accusatory fingers stuck out like daggers at the ready!

Let it be said that traveling with a partner, or especially more than one partner, can be rewarding (saving money on splitting rooms/dinners etc.) but also taxing when you start to get on each other's nerves...this happens even between best friends of course. The bottom line is that multiple people have multiple agendas...excuse the cliche, but you can't please them all.

Practical advice to your question would I suppose, be to come to your destination prepared with a list of things that you want to do while in Amsterdam. Encourage your friends to do the same. This creates a chinese menu of sorts, of things to do. When you visit a coffeeshop in a certain neighborhood and are finished there, perhaps there is a nearby museum of interest, or a restaurant someone wanted to try, or a bar that offers a special beer, etc. This way, with the help of a street map and a guidebook, you can plot your next destination smoothly.

Happy future travels :-)
~uber.

ps. FYI, all the Amsterdammers aren't hanging out in one special cool place you know! They are just that, Amsterdammers--they LIVE in the town that becomes your playground of sorts once a year. As such, they're comfortable with their surroundings and know where they are heading, just as you do when you are at home. Whether it's out to dinner with friends, then to the pub for some biertjes, they're just livin' the life man. Do the same!

1) You're on vacation / holiday
2) Try not to over-think these things
3) Like in life, its the journey, not the destination

Mr.Plug is right. Don't overthink. Just relax and enjoy your holiday. Of course that's easy for Mr.Plug to say, as he's probably harvesting wild peyote from Mt. Lemon as I write this.

Ha ha Rainer - I wish thats what I was doing!

But now that you mention it, I might have to look into that...

You are quite right that Amsterdammers don't stay the whole afternoon or night in a place. Usually that is more of a North American or British thing to do. Rather Dutch people move from bar to bar, picking up and losing friends along the way. Some places they go to are better some not but it is a continuous affair. I always find it amusing when people go to a bar like De Heeren van Amstel at say 9:30 and it is empty and they stay till 11:00 and leave as "nothing is happening". Half an hour later some Dutch group or a bunch of students comes in and there are 50 of them and the place is lively as hell.

Most people that I know only stay in places for about an hour unless it is a sunny day and at a canal side then maybe 2 hours especially if it is the Theehuis in Vondel Park or Ghent or Cafe Wallem but I digress.

Going from coffee shop to coffee shop makes little sense to me. Lots of the same in each one. Better, in my opinion to start in one CS go to two or so different places (have a toke along the way if you have to) then go to another coffee shop and go to another place or two before going clubbing or serious partying, but then that is me.

Lots of really fine and interesting places to explore. I find being the tour guide okay as long as everyone is "up" but it gets pretty old when the alchohol and too much pot start to kick in. Then I'd rather see people do their own thing and let me do mine 'cause I will have a good time <grin>.

Regards. Roland