Adult Entertainment

The Malaysian scene is a curious one. Prostitution, to the best of our knowledge, is illegal ... but so is pirating music, movies and software (you’ll find these activities taking place here too). Any hedonistic establishments, therefore, will refer to themselves as a “Health Club” specializing in massage. They really do give massages though, various types including foot reflexology. Be aware, however, that there are a few Health Clubs that are really are health clubs. Discreet inquiry will avoid any confusion.

Raids in the clubs are a slight concern, but they happen so seldom, scarcely a thought is given. Furthermore, each establishment has numerous early warning systems, so if there is a raid (we’re only personally aware of two ever), there’s enough time for the lady to don a rob, for you wrap your towel about you and “What seems to be the trouble officer? I’d like to finish my massage now if there’s nothing else.”

Kuala Lumpur, the capital and largest city in the country, is where most of the action takes place. It was built around a hundred years ago when tin was discovered in the area (it was once the biggest tin producer in the world and you’ll still find plenty of pewter goods being manufactured here). Even with all its modern buildings, its monorail and other public transportation systems, the city is still part of the Malaysian jungle and you’ll see evidence of it everywhere.

While the resorts and smaller towns provide Health Club services, Kuala Lumpur has the most. In this city you can expect to find a few streetwalkers around the hotel district and half the cab drivers will offer you “young lady for massage” if you so desire. Walking down any bar-lined street in the evening, you can be sure to have half a dozen pimps approach you with the same offer. The girls are usually waiting in a taxi nearby. If you are interested, the pimp calls the driver who then runs the girls over to a inconspicuous location. You can take a look and see if there’s anything to your liking. It is also possible to find freelancers working the more popular nightclubs. If you’re having a drink in a popular spot, just look for attractively dressed ladies making serious eye contact with you. Unless you get this sort of treatment back home, there’s a good chance she’s doing a little work on the side. Be discreet because some of these ladies might also be Sarong Party Girls (SPGs) whose goal it is to hook up with an expatriate who will show them a good time in a long-term relationship.

Health Clubs

Walking down any commercial street, you are sure to find at least one massage parlor. They can be about as dingy as a cheap, old Midwest American hotel, or quite a classy joint. Two of our favorite stand-alone Health Clubs are equipped with a big Jacuzzi (five of them in one establishment), a sauna (one place actually has a television inside!), a steam room and a comfortable lounge. It appears as if every good hotel (and numerous dodgy ones) in the major cities has a Health Club. The better establishments have outstanding facilities. Two we have visited have a beautiful grotto-like Jacuzzi where you can relax before and after the main event. They are also equipped with big Barclay loungers lined up in front of a wide screen TV where you can while away your time watching Chinese action flicks or sports. Some even have high-tech massage chairs. When you get hungry, there are usually free snacks (fruit, deep fried things, rice and/or noodles and local sweets).

The girls here range in age, physique and beauty as much as the Netherlands. However they are nearly all Asian. The most abundant of the ladies are Chinese; both local and visiting from China (affectionately referred to as “Dragon Gals”). There are usually plenty of Malays, many of whom come from Borneo. You can also find Indonesians, Thais, Koreans, and Vietnamese as well as the occasional Indian. Some places bring in Russian girls for a few months. With the exception of the Russians (which cost as much as 50% more), most of the Health Clubs charge the same rate for each girl. A few have a sliding scale that can vary widely; some charge more for the Chinese as they come from afar while others charge more for the Malays as they are under greater risk of being found out by their families. The one problem you might find with some of the ladies is language. While many speak English, just as many can’t so you’ll have to, uh, resort to body language.

Quick tip: If you enter a hotel where you see a lot of traditional Islamic dress, you can be pretty sure there's no Health Club in the establishment. If there are lots of Chinese men everywhere, there's a pretty good chance you're in the right place.

Inside the Health Club

Here’s how it works. You enter the HC and are greeted by one of several “captains” who inquires as to your interests. He may describe the various types of massages available, but he may or may not mention anything about sex. If not, all you need do is ask about a “package” and you’ll get the response you’re looking for. Depending on the club and the number of girls and clients that day, you may not get an opportunity to make your own selection. The captain will do his best to meet your needs, but usually you’ll get whoever is next on the list. If you’re not happy with the choice, you’re free to send her back. Again, depending on the HC, a full package costs anywhere from 150MYR to 250MYR (€40 - €70) for a 45-minute session while a regular massage is less than half that amount. By comparison, the pimps charge at least 200MYR per hour (but if you’re a good negotiator you can get the price down to 150MYR or less).

Once you’ve made up your mind as to what you want, the captain leads you to a locker room or to a small chamber, depending on the quality of the club. In the better establishments, you can take advantage of the facilities; you don baggy shapeless swim trunks, put on a robe and explore. If you’re concerned about your valuables, you have the option of leaving your wallet in a 2-key safe deposit box (not a bad idea). Now, what do you want to do? Shower, sauna, steam bath, Jacuzzi, snack, watch some Asian TV, it’s all there. “Ah,” we can hear you now “but all that will eat into my 45-minute session!” Now here’s the interesting part, you are charged for the time you spend with the masseuse, not the club. This means you can go in and lounge around for an hour, get your 45min massage, lounge around for another hour and still get out the door for less money than an hour at Park 118.

Once you’ve relaxed a bit and are ready to go, the captain leads you to the room. The rooms are about the size of an RLD kamer but you will rarely find a real bed. Instead, there is a raised section of the floor with an inflatable (or industrial strength) mattress with a thin sheet. In the corner you’ll find a shower. Sometimes there are mirror along the raised floor, sometimes not. You will rarely find decorations. If there is music, it will be piped in through overhead PA speakers. There is a phone or intercom on the wall. After a few minutes, the lady will enter the room and greet you.

If you go with a plain old massage, you get a damn good massage. The massage girls tend to be older and not as attractive as the package girls, but they know how to give a real massage. Some masseuses will disrobe if you ask politely. You may also find that she offers to provide you with, um, additional services. If you find the massage more arousing than relaxing, you’ll probably be offered a hand finish. Most of the girls expect to do this so it’s not a big deal, additional charges are levied on occasion, but they are negligible. If the girl likes you, you may be offered oral services or a “package” finish.

If you go with a package girl, you’ll start off by undressing and jumping into the shower. She will wash you quite thoroughly, and then wash herself (sometimes after sending you out of the shower). After toweling off, she’ll instruct you to lie down and proceed to give you a adequate massage if you so desire, otherwise she may begin with plenty of kisses across your chest and stomach as she makes her way south. Many girls will work their oral charms without a condom (and then spit into a tissue so as not to catch anything), while others exercise more caution. However, intercourse is always with a condom (and we don’t have to tell you that you’d be a fool to even be with a girl who would do otherwise).

While the custom for North America and Europe professionals tends toward “neat and tidy” (no hair below the nose), it is not the case in this region. While the Asian women are far from hairy, few will shave as many Chinese men consider this bad luck (What’s up with that?). You will also encounter problems if you are seeking ladies who are open to anal sex, but if you call around to the various Health Clubs, you may get lucky. Tattoos and body piercings are also quite rare.

When you are satisfied, it’s back to the shower for a quick wash-up. Keep an eye on your watch though, as the lady doesn’t need to. If you haven’t finished after 45-minutes, the phone will ring indicating that time is up. The lady may ask you for a tip, but this is not always the case, although some (more accustomed to westerners) may pester your for a tip earlier. As you are mostly naked, it’s kind of hard to hand over some cash. Tell her how much you want to tip her and she will inform the front desk and the amount is added to your bill.