The Hague wasn’t much to look at several hundred years ago. It was little more than a village under the rule of Utrecht. Back in the 1200’s, Floris IV, count of Holland, picked up a parcel of land and built a sort of hunting lodge surrounded by a wall of hedges. It was simply referred to as Haga, “land surrounded by walls” or 's-Gravenhage, “Count’s walls.” Unfortunately, Den Haag never really got around to constructing much in the way of real walls, relying instead on defensive canals (which are all but gone today). As a result, throughout history, this proto city with a lack of serious fortifications was invaded and sacked time and again but always recovered. Today it is the seat of government for the Netherlands, but not the capital; that distinction belongs to Amsterdam.

One important point to clear up potential confusion: on buses, train schedules, maps, and anything requiring the spelling out of the city's name, the name of the city is nearly always written as 's-Gravenhage. Nearly, we say, because it's not always the case. Rule of thumb: You write: 's-Gravenhage, but it's usually done to speak of the place as Den Haag. In other words, the city has two names.

The Netherlands Board of Tourism has set up a site specifically for The Hague. An even better site, in our opinion, is this one, it has a lot of practical information. For lots of historical information and pictures, visit one man’s labor of love, The Pages about The Hague.

Travel Information

By train, Den Haag is less than an hour’s journey from Schiphol and Amsterdam, with trains every ten or fifteen minutes (although after midnight there is one train every hour). Note that there are two train stations, Central Station and Hollands Spoor (Station HS). Central Station is closer to downtown, but more trains pass through Hollands Spoor. Either one gets you within striking distance of the city’s entertainment.

With so many business and government travelers arriving in the city, you would expect plenty of accommodations. Keep in mind that Den Haag isn’t exactly a tourist destination, but there are numerous hotels ranging from budget hostels to that more suited to an executive or government official.

Red Light Districts

Den Haag tries to match Amsterdam’s red light districts with three of its own (plus a Tipplezone). Unfortunately, both the quantity and the overall quality cannot compete with the higher standards of the Walletjes. That being said, there are still plenty of gems to be found in the city’s red light districts … and bargains too. All three of the RLDs are pedestrian only - no cars, no tourists, just guys looking to get laid, or just plain looking. Unfortunately, there are many empty kamers in Den Haag’s red light districts. We can only use our imagination as to what it must have been like in the past. However, the present can keep us plenty occupied.

Geleen is the best-known red light district; best described as the city’s up market RLD. It’s located closest to station Hollands Spoor. As you leave the station’s main entrance, head to your right. You’ll see a modern tower block decked out in arty colors with a net cafe (and small supermarket) on the ground floor. Walk past the tower block and look across the tracks to the snack bar perched on the edge of the canal. Just beyond and to your right, you’ll find the entrance to the Geleen.

The Geleen is a T-shaped zone with over a hundred windows and three small indoor areas (and a bust of Stalin for some strange reason). While most of the courtesans are found on the ground-floor windows, there is second set of windows above that are occasionally occupied. Most of the ladies working in this area are quite attractive with some absolute stunners. You’ll find plenty of Dutch girls with a smattering of other nationalities. The clientele consist of a bunch of guys, just like you, slowing walking with hands in pockets while they try to come to some kind of decision. Most of the windows have a small door through which you can engage the lady in conversation. Once you have agreed to convene, she with gesture to a side entrance and buzz the door to let you in. Once inside, she will lead you to her private kamer within the structure where the fun begins. Unfortunately, the turnover here is quite frightening. Some women will use the Geleen to test the prostitutional waters before establishing themselves in Amsterdam (or quitting entirely). Mind you, others much prefer the slower pace of Den Haag (not to mention the total non-existence of gawking tourists). In fact, there are a few Amsterdam ladies who commute to Den Haag every day. Prices are comparable to the Walletjes although you can often get 20 minutes instead of the normal 15. Remember to ask up front and, as always, negotiate everything in advance.

Poeldijksestraat is also a short walk from Hollands Spoor, located in one of the city’s poorer areas. As you leave the station main entrance head left. Follow the street round a corner (about 50m). Poeldijksestraat is a single one-block street lined on each side with window girls. It has a large two-level indoor area with over a hundred kamers (although the top level is rarely occupied). Numerous loudspeakers and boom boxes blast meringue, salsa and samba tunes, giving the place more of a party atmosphere than that of the Geleen. If you had never seen a red light district before, this is probably what you would have imagined it would be like: many of the women are mature (or just plain old), overweight (or obese) and most are of foreign extraction (South American and African). While the ladies are not the babes found at the Geleen, you are likely to find something to suit your fancy, but only if you persevere. Most of the women are from the Dominican Republic and not in the prime of youth. There’s also a little section of Colombians and a couple of Brazilians to be found. There are quite a few West Africans, a few Turkish ladies and an occasional Asian. (For some reason, some of the Dominicans claim to be Venezuelan. We’re not sure why they do this; perhaps they think it makes them more alluring?) Clientele here consist mainly of black Dominicans and Turks, usually huddled together in small groups. A few local Caucasian Dutch and the occasional expatriate make their way there during daytime, but not so many at night. It can be a lot of fun visiting this place after dark; it has a great vibe. A summer’s nighttime stroll down Poeldijksestraat with its bacchanal music blaring out, the hustle and bustle, animated Spanish conversations between ladies and their clients … ah, life is good!

Prices here start low - a typical basic price of €25 can get you good unhurried service. Pay a bit more and you can be treated like a king. Of course there are some who try and give as little as they can for as much as they can extract from you. However, generally we have found the women here very genuine and some quite affectionate (particularly the Colombians!). Girlfriend prospects here are not unheard of.

Doubletstraat is a smaller version of, and only a five-minute walk from, Poeldijksestraat. From the top end of Poeldijksestraat, head north. You’ll pass a small park on your left and then pass over a canal; Doubletstraat is about 10m further on your left. The RLD is about 100m long with a few indoor areas. Here you’ll find mainly Dominican ladies with some Africans and a few Brazilians. Pricing starts at €25 for 20 min. The ladies here are not overly attractive, but service is normally good.

A Tipplezone is located just behind Station Hollands Spoor in front of the megastores. The so-called Tipplezone really is a street scene as business is conducted in your car. Parking bays line the street where one can obtain a modicum of privacy. The action here gets going at 2am as the regular RLDs wind down. You’ll probably find the busiest traffic in the city at this early hour as a motley bunch of characters line the street plying their trade … anything from bearded transvestites and drug addicts to your stereotypical jaded streetwalker. If you should find yourself with a car, in Den Haag, in the early morning hours, and horny, you’re on your own because there are limits to our research.

Clubs and Privehuisen

While there are a good number of privehuisen in Den Haag, it can’t quite keep up with Rotterdam in terms of quantity. Having three Red Light Districts undoubtedly contributes to the limited number of prives. In this international city, you’ll find mostly Dutch girls, some South American, African, and Eastern European and an occasional Asian. The brothels are scattered throughout the city so be prepared to travel. The tram (and bus) is the best way to get around unless you’re feeling adventurous enough to rent a bike at the train station. Use the list of clubs below to get started. Of course, we can’t keep track of all the privehuisen in the city, so call in advance to make sure they’re still open (two closed during the writing of this article). Better yet, pick up a copy of the local paper, Den Haag Courant, or flip though the Yellow Pages and see if there are any new venues to explore (then post your findings!). If you can’t read Dutch, find the phone number and call. Nearly everyone in this city speaks English. Note: Phone numbers in Den Haag begin with 070 (or 06 for a cell phone). Use mapblast.com and/or multimap.com to help you find the address you seek.

In no particular order, here is a list of privehuizen to get you on your way. Only those places with working phone numbers and addresses are included. Keep in mind that most establishments have a different staff working on the weekends than weekdays. The number of courtesans can increase or decrease depending upon the time of day or day of the week.

Amber Prive
(070-346 7572, Prins Hendrikstraat 12)
With about 8 ladies working on the weekdays and about 3 on the weekends, you can reach this prive via tram #3. Rates are €125/hr. Hours: Monday to Friday, noon - midnight, Saturday, noon - 6pm

Bananas
(070 383 3462, Weteringkade 113)
Located about 0.5km south of Centraal Station, this brothel has nicely appointed rooms and a staff of about 6 courtesans. Rates are €125/hr. Hours: Monday to Friday, noon - 11:30pm, Saturday, noon - 6pm.

Casa Cherda
(a.k.a. Club 109) (070-389 3944, Bezuidenhoutseweg 383).
About 1.5km North East of Centraal Station (quite close to the royal palace), you will find one of Den Haag’s long established prives. While we’ve never had a disappointing time in those plush rooms, it has often been a struggle to find a lady we fancy. Most of the 6 or 7 women on duty are, um, mature. Expect to pay €120/hr. When you arrive at Casa Cherda, the receptionist asks if you’ve come for a prive or club. We’ve always opted for the prive as we understand that the club is basically an open sex scene where the selection of ladies is rather iffy. Hours: Monday to Friday, 11am - 11pm, Saturday, 11am - 5pm.

Club Vernerhouse
(070-355 5580, Helmstraat 3)
Tucked away in a corner of a quiet residential street close to Scheveningen, this place is a 15-minute tram ride from the city center (#8 or #10 from Station Hollands Spoor, #17 from Centraal Station). With its red light and illuminated sign, it seems somewhat out of place on a residential street. After paying an entrance fee of €5, you can choose from one of the 5 or 6 courtesans on duty (fewer on the weekend) then €120/hr. Hours: Monday to Friday, 11am - 1am, Saturday, 1pm - 1am.

Diane’s Secret
(a.k.a. Femme Fatale) (070-347 6318 Laan Van Nieuw Oost-Indie 200A).
A comfortable 1.5km walk west of Centraal Station (or tram #7), you’ll find Den Haag’s most popular brothel. After a warm welcome, you’ll meet the 8 or 9 courtesans relaxing in the plush reception room. This place probably has the broadest selection of working ladies, but that’s not necessary a good thing. Some of the women looks particularly hardcore including a couple of mature bleached blonde, silicone enhanced, porno queens. If you’re lucky, a few stunners will be available (as they’re in much demand). Expect to pay €120/hr. Hours: Monday to Saturday, 11am - 1am.

Doma
(070-360 1822, Asterstraat 107)
This S&M club is a 10-minute ride to the north west of the city on tram #3 or #12. Housed in an intimidating whitewashed building on the corner of a residential street, one might be led to believe it had closed down years ago. When madam opens the door and you catch a glimpse of the torture equipment strung up on the wall, you’ll know you’re in for a treat - or not. This was about as far as we got before hightailing it out of there with our dignity (and skin) intact. We understand there are usually two tops and two bottoms working during the weekdays, one each on Saturday. Depending on your desires, prices are about €160/hr. Hours: Monday to Friday, 11am - 1am Saturday, noon - 7pm.

Jessy
(070-345 4477, Esdoomstraat 182)
This run-of-the-mill, private house is only open during regular office hours. A 10 minute tram ride (#3 from Centrum or #12 from Hollands Spoor) to the city’s northwest, you will normally find 3 ladies on duty. Rates are €110/hr. Hours: Monday to Friday, 10am - 6pm. La Chaperonne (070-345 6416, Groot Hertoginnelaan 63)
You could walk past this place every day without knowing what delights lay behind the door; it is probably the most nondescript prive entrance in the city (look for a white door with a brass knob in the center). Tram #10 or #11 gets you within a short walk of the facility. The interior is quite nice with comfortable rooms and shower facilities. The 3 or 4 courtesans are friendly and accommodating but you’ll find more ladies working in the afternoon than the evenings. Expect to pay €110/hr. Hours: Monday to Friday, 11am - 10pm.

Maison Monty
(070-390 3550, Caan van Necklaan 71-73)
Dating from back in the 60’s, this well established prive is located 1.5km south of Station Hollands Spoor (tram #1 or #10) in an apartment set on a residential street. Although the rooms are small, they are well appointed. You’ll normally find about 5 ladies on staff. Prices are €110/hr but they have an interesting trick for getting you to return. Each visit earns you a card; collect 6 and your next visit is on the house. Hours: Monday to Friday, 11am - midnight.

Maison Prive
(070 346 3219, Valeriustraat 18a)
Located only a block away from La Chaperone (Tram #10 or #11 to Groot Hertoginnelaan), the entrance is located right beside a bar on the corner of a side road leading off Valeriustraat. You will normally find 3 or 4 courtesans on duty. Prices are €125/hr. Hours: Monday to Friday, noon - 11pm.

Mayfair Club
(070-363 9365, Elandstraat 26)
The most expensive club in the city also has the latest hours; it’s only a 10 min tram ride (#10) from Centraal Station. You will find 9 or 10 courtesans working each evening. Prepare to spend €50 to get in the door and €235/hr with the lady of your choice (no those aren’t typos). Hours: Monday to Thursday, 8pm - 3am, Friday and Saturday, 8pm - 4am.

Mystique Studio
(070-399 5959, Ryswyksewg 574)
This S&M joint is located about 1.5km south of Station Hollands Spoor (tram #10, or #1 from Centraal Station). It is a smallish apartment done out in an arty bordello style. You will find as many as 5 mistresses on staff. Rates are about €115/hr. Hours: Monday to Friday, 11am - 11pm.

Orchidee Prive
(070-360 3737, Stevinstraat 56a)
Located in Scheveningen, a 20 minute tram ride (#1 or #9) to the north, get out at North Strand. A 5-minute walk from North Strand down Gentse Straat, you’ll spot the whitewashed Orchidee on a corner. There are usually only 3 ladies working here. Rates are €130/hr. Hours: Monday to Friday, 11am - 11pm, Saturday, noon to 8pm.

Paradise
(070-360 5997, Thomsonlaan 107a)
If you feel like a bit of heat during a Den Haag winter, this is the place to be. With about 8 ladies during the weekdays and 5 on Saturday, you can relax in the sauna or pool before really turning on the heat thing in one of the private rooms. At €130/hr, try to keep your roasting time to a minimum. Hours: Monday to Friday, 10am - midnight, Saturday, 10am - 6pm.

Massage

Relaxmassage
(070-347 5656, Binckhorstlaan 32b)
This is your basic massage parlor located in a small industrial zone about 1km south of Centraal Station (bus #44). If you feel the need for such a service (including tantric), expect to pay about €65 for a one-hour massage. We declined. Hours: Monday to Friday, 10am - 11pm, Saturday, 11am - 6pm.

Thai Massage

There are at least four Thai massage parlours in Den Haag. We use the term parlour loosely. Three of these places are actually in residential apartments and Lucky resembles a converted corner shop. Once inside you’ll find that these apartments are done out Thai style with obligatory Buddha statue plus offerings and Thai music playing in the background. Unfortunately the rooms can be somewhat basic and certainly a standard below the luxurious Clubs and Private Houses in town. Rooms are small and the service is provided on a mattress on the floor. And don’t expect en suite showers, you have go across the parlour for your unassisted pre & post massage showers. This certainly isn’t Bangkok!

All of these parlours offer a very similar service, a sort of Thai traditional / oily massage combo finishing with body-to-body and a hand shandy. Also price at each venue is the same, € 60 for an hour’s session.

Not surprisingly all ladies working here are Thai and have made their way to Europe after working in the Bangkok sex industry. Thai massage birds are generally older than the women you find in Holland’s clubs and privés, typically in their 30s or 40s. Nevertheless, what they lack in youth or looks, they may make up for in technique and that they actually know their massage techniques.

Sex is often "strictly" off the menu. Some ladies have been known to break the house rule, but still the Thai massage places are primarily just that, massage places. Fortunately, the good old handjob is considered massage!

Oli-Tie
(070-396 1985, Schimelweg 413, Open 7 days) Location: South west of city centre close to Moerwijk train station. No tram stop immediately nearby but you can take tram #16 from Centrum or Station Hollands Spoor to Moerwijk, then a short walk to the end of Hildebrandstraat where it joins Schilmelweg. Descriptions: Maybe due to its location, Oli-Tie appears to be a fairly quiet parlour. In the magnitude of 3 ladies working and not many other customers sighted. Usual basic facilities here.

Lucky
(070-356 1807, Copernicusplein 16, Open: 10.00 – 22.00) Location: Just to the north west of the city centre. Closest tram route is #12 which you can pick-up from Station Hollands Spoor. Look out for the white fronted building on the north west corner of the small plein (square). Description: This parlour has the nicest facilities of any Thai place in Den Haag. It even has double beds in the rooms with en-suite sink.

Warie
(070-4279809, Weimarstraat 363, Open 11.00 - 22.00 (Sunday 11.00 -18.00)) Location: Also north west of the city centre quite close to Lucky. Tram #12. Description: Normally 6-8 ladies on duty at any one time, and can get quite busy. You’re likely to bump into other be-toweled punters on your way to the shower. Basic facilities but Warie has quite a fun atmosphere.

Rijswyksweg
(Rijswyksweg 600)
Location: About a km and a half south of Station Hollands Spoor. On tram routes #1 (from Centrum / Centraal Station) and #10. A few doors down from Mystique Studio. Description: A smallish apartment with about 3 or so ladies present. Again basic facilities and quite mature ladies.

Sights and Attractions

As you make your way from prive to prive, there are other attractions to take in while visiting Den Haag. The beach at Scheveningen is a worthwhile side trip, especially in the summer. If you think those Dutch girls look spectacular riding down the street on bicycles, just wait till you see those firmly toned bodies in a bikini or half a bikini. Going to the beach in the summer should be done by tram because you won’t find parking for miles and miles. While you’re there you can visit the Sea Life aquarium (if the beach life is too much for you).

Ever wonder what it would feel like to be Godzilla as he stomped through the streets of Alkmaar? Sure, we all do! But at the Madurodam you can live it as you walk through a miniature city complete with detailed Dutch architecture, canals, functioning trains etc. (see if you can spot the red light district).

Like most European cities of this size, Den Haag has several museums (we present only a few to get you started). Modern art enthusiasts are sure to enjoy the quasi-art-deco Gemeentemuseum and its various exhibits. Visit the Mauritshuis and gaze upon the work of some of the great Dutch and Flemish masters. The Museum Het Paleis, a five minute walk away, displayed a remarkable collection of M. C. Escher at the time of this writing. The Mesdag Panorama is a remarkable painting, 14m tall and 120m long, illustrating beach life back in the 1880’s. Finally, the one landmark you’re sure to spot is the Peace Palace. The towering spire, with eight turrets attached, is part of the Peace Palace that Andrew Carnegie donated part of his fortune to build, and the square it sits on is named in his honour, Carnegieplein. (Can Bill Gates top him?).

If you are mobile and have time for a day trip, you can visit Theme Park Archeon. Here you can see what life was like in living reconstructions of 3 distinct periods of Netherlands history. Prehistoric times, Roman times and the Dark Ages. Lot's of people in costumes inhabit the place during its season which runs 13 April- 28 October. > One important point to clear up potential confusion: on buses, train schedules, maps, and anything requiring the spelling out of the city's name, the name of the city is nearly always written as 's-Gravenhage. Nearly, we say, because it's not always the case. Rule of thumb: You write: 's-Gravenhage, but it's usually done to speak of the place as Den Haag. In other words, the city has two names.

The Netherlands Board of Tourism has set up a site specifically for The Hague. An even better site, in our opinion, is this one, it has a lot of practical information. For lots of historical information and pictures, visit one man’s labor of love, The Pages about The Hague.