I'm between 25-28 and I've got a problem. I'm a virgin and also afraid of having sex with a real woman.

The reason I'm afraid is because I'm worried about not getting an erection. This happened the first time I was to have sex (it was with a girl I wasn't attracted to, I thought since it was my first chance I had to give it a try. I was 23 years old (or something like that). After that I've had two more chances but I kind of was too shy to give it a real try. Now I feel that this is holding me back when I am to take contact with a new girl. When watching porn or when I'm by myself I don't have any problems getting an erection, I just need to be somewhat relaxed.

I've tried visiting a brothel once (a small one) but the lady looked much older than the pictures so I bailed out. Maybe I would have done that anyway I don't know.

I also visited Amsterdam once and was close to visiting a window girl but bailed out. Did buy a lap dance though and it was okay but wasn't really my thing.

Also I'm kind of a cheapskate and don't like to get ripped off or pay overly high prices. €150 for an hour seems reasonable. Might seems stupid since we're talking about the first time here but given my condition I might need several tries to get it right (and I'd prefer if these tries were as little embarrassing as possible). And also I would be in a bad mood from the start if I felt I was being ripped off. But for the holy grail I would of course pay more.

I would like to try something that I could fail a couple of times without getting too embarrassed.

So. What would you recommend in my situation? I'm prepared to travel to most of europe. If you have specific places that you recommend I'd be interested in knowing.

I'm sure you will get lots of recomendations for working girls; but for my two penneth:

I wouldn't worry about NOT getting an erection if you were NOT attracted to the girl. I understand why you took the chance, but most people only get it on with someone their attracted to, whether that's a working girl or not.

Add (first time) nerves into the equation, and its not surprising it didn't work. I wouldn't take that failure as evidence you have a problem. However, if in any doubt see your GP.

Thank you for your reply. There is no physical problem, only psychical. And if I can't solve the problems on my own I will have to go see a psychiatrist. But first I want to see if I can solve the problems in a different way.

Also I would like to take back some of the years of lost fun by visiting some prostitutes before I end my life by getting steady with someone.

I'd recommend an afternoon in a prive. Pick one with a bar area, you can sit with a drink for as long as you like and chat with one girl after another until one of them appeals, then you're in.

Some prives have the bar concept, with all the available girls hanging out there. Other prives have a room with a sofa, you sit and the girls are intro'd to you one or two at a time. Sounds like you might prefer the relax-in-a-bar scene since you can set the pace, however the other one is worth considering also.

Consider a train trip to Den Haag (30 minutes or so).
www.bananasprive.nl
www.ds-girls.nl
www.stoutprivehuis.nl
and others of course, but these all have websites.

Buy some Kamagra/Viagra, visit any recommended window girl and settle for a blowjob. Once you get used to those then you can easily progress naturally to a fuck. When the time comes, just lie back and let her do her thing.

Those privés looks like possible alternatives. The best thing would probably be if I could tell about my situation before I showed up. Like with an escort or something. But seems there are few good independant escorts alternatives (most seems to be with an agency) and those that exists and seems okay may be difficult to get contact with.

Not sure if viagra will help since one still needs to get sexually excited. I tried it once, some generic stuff, but didn't notice any difference. Maybe it only makes a difference if one has a physical problem. But maybe I should try it again with the real viagra. Maybe I took a too small dose the time I tried it as well. Blowjob with a condom feels a bit lame though ;-)

hmmmmm....

I can assure you that a blow-job with a condom from the right girl is anything but lame..........................

I don't want to add to the pressure you say you are under, but this is just silly. "Sexual excitement" just means a slight "twinge" down below.. that's all it takes for the Viagra/Kamagra to kick in. The trickle of blood that fills your penis is kept there by the medication and that's how your erection stays. Now, unless you suffer from severe erectile dysfunction, this will be enough to give you a full stiffy, and then you can forget about it and enjoy yourself.




You'd know about it if you tried the real thing and felt aroused by whatever means.. believe me.




As has been said, this isn't correct. Tell the lady what you want i.e. a toothy BJ, deepthroat BJ, slurpy/noisy BJ, her tongue tickling your japs-eye BJ. Whatever floats your boat. I have trouble coming from a BJ, but can easily be brought to the edge by the right type. All I have to do is say what type I am after and hey presto...

Well, I've ordered some genuine kamagra.. Might as well try. Thanks for the tip.

More suggestions are welcome.

Sauna Club I'd suggest, better than a Prive.

I'm happy with Yin Yang, and reporters here extol the virtues of the places in NRW, not far across the border from NL. Search and marvel at the reports.

Aim to spend a day, not just an hour. Skip the Vitamin V, skip the dope, have a beer if it helps you relax, get showered and sauna'd and whirlpooled and enjoy having your body really clean and fresh, use toothbrush and mouthwash as well, and then wander round or hang out, you're almost bound to meet someone friendly and attractive, and she'll know what to do from there. Don't haggle, there'll be a fixed schedule of prices and you don't pay until afterwards anyhow. And don't fall in love. Well, DO fall in love, but only for a day. Next day, be unfaithful to her, and you'll be well on the right track.

And if for some unlikely reason you don't get off, be nice to the lady and pay her for her time. Last time in Yin Yang I heard an angry woman shouting "I sucked you, I fucked you, you gotta pay me. Not my fault you don't cum."

I hope that wasn't any of the guys on this forum...

Some of the posters here know of places - in Germany I think - that specialise in providing that First Time experience. Search for "virgin", that might find it.

Good luck. And please post a report, I'm sure we'd all love to know how it went.

Thanks for the tip. Yes I've considered an FKK.. Artemis seems nice but I've read that the girls can be a bit pushy there. Maybe good maybe bad. Yin Yang seemed good but it seemed to be a bit off geographically.

I wonder how common it is that the girls smoke at these places and smell bad.

I received the kamagra today and tried half a pill. I think it had some effect. In one way I'd like to use them to be sure I'll pull it off but on the other hand I don't want to be dependent on them in the future.

Yeah, I will most likely write a trip report when I've been to wherever I'm going..

Monarch,
I'm certain you will achieve your aim of losing your virginity, but in my opinion you would be a fool to write about it here. It's one thing more experienced guys writing about their (sex)ploits - but surely losing your virginity is a bit more personal.
Lose your virginity, but keep your self respect.
Well that's my view anyway.
Good luck.

PS Ofocurse if you get a real taste for it, and keep on going back to
working girls, then you can 'pay' your other advisers back with trip report after report!

Thanks for the tip danny69.. I'll decide if I'll make a trip report afterwards..

By the way, is it ok to bring your own condoms to a FKK or is it expected to use the ones provided there?

Maybe it's awkvard to bring your own though...

Never been to a FKK, but if I were you, in any prositution situation, I would just "go with the flow" and let the girl do what she does best. You'll be more relaxed that way; and have more fun.

The first three girls I fucked (not prostitutes) the sex was disaterous, and it was later in my teens than is normal. I feel then I am qualified to help. In fact despite early successful experiences, I started to believe I was incapable of sex. Can I point out I had issues with these girls attractiveness also. What got me going is that the third girl persevered with me and things just clicked into place. I never had problems again.

I think a prostitute is not the best, because you need to be 1) very comfortable in what you are doing morally. 2) very comfortable with the girl. 3) Comfortable with your surroundings 4) not under time pressure 5) able to persevere with the girl until you can penetrate then climax.

The drugs are harmless and beneficial if item 2) passes. They are not important in your late twenties though.

FKK is intimidating and I bet anything your temperement is not correct for FKK right now. Prives, I never dared go in.

I would suggest the windows, but interview lots of girls until you get a connection. Then when you get one who really gets you hard just by talking to her, tell her your problem and book a series of half hour sessions. Tell her to go slow and do not try to have sex straight away. Lots of touching and talking.

Finally, if you have issues with girls smell, smoking, cleanliness etc then you will think of all the men they do and your personality type will probably mean you will be one of those guys who has sex then comes on complaining that you have a cold and then is convinced you have AIDS. I have seen it many times before.

I suggest you get any issues whereby you are scared of hygiene issues or that you look down on girls that smoke (99% of all prostitutes smoke - get used to it!) and remember they are people not objects that have to measure up to your expectations. On this last point I think we are getting closer to your problem than any other things you mention.

See them as people and the sex works.

Oh yes ---- make freinds with other mongers in Amsterdam and do the windows with them. Freinds will take you to the right girls and to the FKKs and will back you up and make you feel better.

Mike

The first three girls I fucked (not prostitutes) the sex was disaterous, and it was later in my teens than is normal. I feel then I am qualified to help. In fact despite early successful experiences, I started to believe I was incapable of sex. Can I point out I had issues with these girls attractiveness also. What got me going is that the third girl persevered with me and things just clicked into place. I never had problems again.

I think a prostitute is not the best, because you need to be 1) very comfortable in what you are doing morally. 2) very comfortable with the girl. 3) Comfortable with your surroundings 4) not under time pressure 5) able to persevere with the girl until you can penetrate then climax.

The drugs are harmless and beneficial if item 2) passes. They are not important in your late twenties though.

FKK is intimidating and I bet anything your temperement is not correct for FKK right now. Prives, I never dared go in.

I would suggest the windows, but interview lots of girls until you get a connection. Then when you get one who really gets you hard just by talking to her, tell her your problem and book a series of half hour sessions. Tell her to go slow and do not try to have sex straight away. Lots of touching and talking.

Finally, if you have issues with girls smell, smoking, cleanliness etc then you will think of all the men they do and your personality type will probably mean you will be one of those guys who has sex then comes on complaining that you have a cold and then is convinced you have AIDS. I have seen it many times before.

I suggest you get any issues whereby you are scared of hygiene issues or that you look down on girls that smoke (99% of all prostitutes smoke - get used to it!) and remember they are people not objects that have to measure up to your expectations. On this last point I think we are getting closer to your problem than any other things you mention.

See them as people and the sex works.

Oh yes ---- make freinds with other mongers in Amsterdam and do the windows with them. Freinds will take you to the right girls and to the FKKs and will back you up and make you feel better.

Mike

Just have a go and keep going. It will come right. I wouldn't bother with kamagra unless you are really having problems. Just go into Sexyland and watch some porn until you are in the right mood.

Monarch,

First, be assured that there's nothing wrong with you. It is not uncommon for a negative sexual experience to put a person off for a while - even an experienced person, and how much more easily a virgin.

Second, I recognise your fears / anxiety. It may be worth exploring what your fears are about and what is the worst that could happen. It will help if you are open to making mistakes.

Third, I am sure that when the circumstances are right, and the company is right for you, sex will be a most enjoyable and fulfilling experience. In the course of time, you will learn what your particular needs and jpreferences are, and you will be able to make requests toward getting your needs met. You will then have much more confidence.

Feel free to follow up or discuss privately with me if you need.

Regards...

I can certainly identify with your anxieties Monarch- I think many of us on this board have experienced such feelings at one time or another.

As others have pointed out, just relax and take it as it comes. The key is not to build up expectations or try to overly control the situation. You sound like the perfectionist type (as am I). This often creates anxiety where there needn't be.

Look at the windows, find a girl who floats your boat, walk in and just take it as it comes. It could be the time of your life, don't sabotage it with set expectations. If it does turn sour, all the more reason to try again ("try at boinking a hot, young lovely again"... an awesome item on your "to do" list, no?

Once you jump in and start swimming, the rest is relatively easy.