God I am stupid. STUPID STUPID STUPID.
Rule number one: Don’t pay too much
Rule number two: Different girl every night
Rule number three: Don’t get involved
These CIS girls working in the UAE have two motives. Some work to get rich, go home, live like queens. They are the processors. Some work in order to live because they have nothing else to do in Dubai and you can stuff going back to Kackistan or wherever it is. The passport Hunters.
I suppose life is a learning curve. Once you think you have got the handle of a place as wonderful, exciting and complex as Dubai, then it turns round and bites you on the backside. What can I say… third trip out, he thinks he is an expert, and the Minger Mongerer once again earns his “Misbegotten title”.
I mean what can one do to fuck up this time? I get the Hotel right, I get the hotel price right (Indian Travel Agents rule!). I get the flight right; I get the venues right and my negotiation skills are down to pat. I learn to recognise the “Processors” and the blatant rip-offs.
Now I learn about the “Hunters.” Oh, and business went OK too. But you don’t really want to hear about that do you?
I started on Tuesday well enough. A quick first time visit to the York Hotel upstairs bar found me once again ducking and diving to avoid the aggressive PRC crowd. I tried “I am deaf”. “I am with someone”. “Go Away”. “Please leave me alone, I am watching the band” (Obvious lie). “My wife is over there and she is a female pro wrestler” and finally “Fuck off you are ugly” (to the more persistent one with the striped trousers at the end.) I guess you want to know what her answer was to that don’t cha? It was, “I tinka yoo rike me yes?” with a slightly insane grin so wide it was cracking the plaster-of-paris caked around her blowjob-hole. When faced with that what can I do? Run.
I mean, I was actually enjoying the waitress service, the view of the fanny, the band was tolerable (some American outfit with a slightly dodgy guitarist doing Nickelback covers) which reminds me of FKK world, nostalgically enough, and the beer was affordable without extending my mortgage at home. As a sidetrack, US and UK bands, have a certain credibility or “cool” about them, even though they are never technically as accomplished as the Philippine bands! Somehow though, an Indonesian with a guitar can look just as cool as a Euro guy, but why do they usually look like geeks? Anyway, this is not racist, just an observation, the good Philippine guitarist in Jules bar is wacky as fuck and top-notch too, so he proves you can be cool and an Asian musician too!
Anyway, I digress. Not having found anything remotely appealing there, I decided to give Fantasia near the Israeli embassy a miss and went over to Rockafellas at the Regal on Tuesday night. [Note: To those non ISG/UAE thread people on other boards, this is a brothel pretending to be a nightclub. There is a fairly good choice, about the level of the Singel at night in Amsterdam or perhaps even NRW sauna clubs. The two top night clubs (Premiere and Cyclone) the choice is top of the line for anywhere, with maybe a hundred girls easy working in each place on a bad night].
Back to the Regal (Rockafellas) the first working Girl I saw was the much-talked-about “Rita” who I controversially described as the girl Hilary Clinton wanted to be.
Some say, she has a webbed bottom. Others say, her earwax tastes of Turkish delight. I say, Kyle and Cartman had it right. “Goddamn what a big fat ass!”. On Tuesday I caught her leaving with a rich fat Arab guy as usual. I found out why she always wears long black dresses too. Very thinning! This night she was wearing a cardigan and black elasticised slacks, like oldsters wear to make it easier to get your pants on. I wouldn’t pay 500 Dhs for her, let alone what some of the stories are. Amazing what seeing someone with different clothes can do.
It didn’t take long really. I was up for the Cyclone, having got absolutely pissed off with the new band. They are better than the oompah loopas with the three CIS girls fronting it, but the Japanese middle aged guitarist “living the dream” made me think that even I could put on a wig and get the old axe out again. As Red Drawf’s Kryton said “Sir, the axe man is back”.
So just as I was on my way out, I saw this beautiful teenager type with long brown / red hair. I said the usual “Hello I am Mike” shit and she said “Hello, my name is L…..”, I reply with the fast blurb to get it over with.. whereareyoufrom?IamfromEngland, she replied with IamfromKyrgistan…. And that was it. No, “What Hotel do you stay at”. No, “Are you looking for company big boy, I love you long time”??? She actually played hard to get. Well, when I say “hard to get”, that is, I had to prompt her with a direct “So how much money are we talking” which did the trick. I must be such a smooth fucker, the way I talk. She said “One thousand” and we were back on track.
“700 Dhirams” came the reply from me. “Well, do you mind if I wait a little bit?” she said. Hmmm, I thought, years of being in business (in the way Gomez Adams runs businesses) gave me the bright Idea “800 if we can go now”. She really saw the lust in my eyes. Three days of Mumbai previously and half a weeks abstinence before that meant I had a case of MSB (a Massive Sperm Build-up) which must have been pushing pheromones out of me that even the Emirates Airlines' Eau-De-Toilette couldn’t hide.
Anyway, that did the trick and back we went to the Metropolitan in Diera. Confirmed by all as a definite GF (Girl Friendly) hotel.
It took me quite a while to break her down. She needed to relax and I realised that “professional” did not describe this girl. I was scared I had got a newbie or a girl that hated the job, when what I was after was just fast, hard PSE. But somehow, just looking at those beautiful eyes and the teenage body made me want her more and more and more. When the moment was right, she threw hersef on the bed and put the tip of her tongue on the edge of her front teeth and across my lips. All of a sudden I was 18 again and that girl I had eyed up across the pub had come over and started kissing me. I had copped! Yes, I even forgot I was paying her and it was fucking supposed to happen! What followed was better than GFE. That is, most girlfriends I ever had were shit at sex, so this was better. You connect you know? This (after at least two hundred working girls I have fucked) was the first time I ever believed a girl when she said she had an orgasm. (Although I still maintain that when you are paying its only you that counts) and in the morning I was besotted. Stupid fucking dolt that I am.
She refused to get up in the mornings (so I was getting free time, which was great) and at 12pm when she finally got up, I then did the deal, “I need a tour guide for the day today” I wont say how much, but I broke rule number two, Then the really stupid thing, the next night (after the snorkelling at the public beach and the shopping trip round the Emirates mall and the nice meal at the Fish Market [it was bring-a-skank night]) I capped it all by booking her for the next two nights. She was so keen she even refused to collect all her stuff, deliberately leaving her toothbrush and items of clothing and she would not take any money till it was all over. Incredible. Yes, I broke rule number two again, and just to cap it all, as if I wasn’t doing badly enough, I broke rule three too. I must have done, because this is one mean evil witch in the morning. Apparently she had that syndrome where you shout obscenities when you wake up first thing. Thanks goodness I don’t speak Russian.
The sex was incredible. I got, instructions how to make her come, cute little hints like, "terrible these condoms... I hate them" and the dreaded "This isn't all about work I promise you" .... oh, and the best one.... "I think this cum is really sexy. Please, do it all over yourself, I like it, and you can do it all over me too."
Looking back in the cold light of day it was like pantomime and comedy all rolled into one. I apologise to all the hard-faced punters out there, but what can I say, when you get old you get vulnerable and you just have to confess all in Public. Beware Dubai, that’s all I can say.
I am not accusing her of being a passport hunter, but a full time pro she is not, After loosing her real job in the UAE she does it because she has to live. Her friends tell her she does not make nearly enough money either and tell her she is weak. I hope she gets her job like she says she wants, but hey, if not, she is going to be one of those girls you love or hate in the Job. If she connects with you, then she will be fine, if she doesn’t she will drive the Punter mad and be a borderline rip-off.
Now I am really annoyed because I promised myself a
http://images.google.co.uk/imgres?imgur ... n%26sa%3DN from cyclone and I got four days of overpaid real girlfriend trials and tribulations and ups and downs. What a waste of a trip in some ways, but what an absolutely brilliant trip with the most mind-blowing sex I have ever had on the other hand.
Would I repeat it? Well, probably, but I am going to monger for two days first before meeting up with her and then if I run into her by accident? Well, what a romantic surprise, not telling her I was coming!
I can’t help it, I am just such a softie. (Photos withheld because they are all clothed – hence boring.)
