Amsterdam Weekly — yes, it's still around — isn't doing too well. According to a tragic email sent our way, the paper cannot make ends meet (lack of advertisers), and has lost its investors after they have grown tired of hemorraging cash "retired". It refuses to die with any shred of dignity.

But wait, they have a plan! The genius revival plan? To continue publishing they're offering to sell themselves off at at a fire-sale price of €5 per 3.75 cm2. And as is usual for them, they over-rate their worth.

Sure, this is easier than refocusing the paper on relevant and interesting content that its largely evaporated English readership might want to read, it's certainly easier than boasting of "European Newspaper Awards", from unnamed organizations to boost interest, inventing circulation figures when the evidence to the contrary is readily available for inspection in rain-soaked bundles of undelivered papers all over town, and it's certainly easier than bringing in new and talented staff to replace the current crew of hacks who have run what seemed a very promising idea when it started, off a cliff and into the ground. Full details are available on their mostly unread, tedious, website.

They're even offering valuable thank-you gifts like invitations to their uninteresting parties. Who knows? You might even get lucky and be on the receiving end of a blowjob from Todd Savage, the soon-to-be former publisher of a failed newspaper, in the new soon-to-be gay sex zone, Vondelpark! Or even one from an attractive straight female staff member, if there are any!